it’s time for a change

With the world beginning to reopen, my son has started to go for sleepovers again. He spent all of last weekend at his grandparents’ house, without me, which was kind of strange because of all the time we’ve been spending together lately, but it gave me a chance to relax and stop stressing so much about my duties. When he’s home, we still remain inside except for the occasional hike or bike ride. Even when he visits my parents, they spend their time indoors, for both his sake and mine.

I haven’t been quite as anxious these days. Maybe that’s because the news hasn’t been quite so dreary. I’ve been keeping up with my home workouts, every day for 20-30 minutes. I think maybe that’s been helping my anxiety, too. It feels good to exercise. I’ve never been in shape, really, even though I’m thin. Growing up and moving out has meant trying to maintain a healthy diet, and getting (and staying) in shape.

It’s boring being inside all day. I’d like to go to the swimming pool and the library and the mall, and I don’t think it’ll be too long before I’ll be able to. The thing is I get tired of doing the same thing and being in the same place for too long. I’m moving in with my boyfriend, this summer, hopefully, to a small town twenty minutes from where we live now. I’ve lived in the same city my whole life, I’m excited for a change. I like a change of scenery. I like a change of pace.

There’s something worrying me about moving, though. We’ve been in a relationship nearly a year; by now, we’re pretty much a family. My son loves my boyfriend. He’s a good, willing babysitter, and I’m appreciative of that. When we move, I’m worried he’ll get annoyed of living with me, of seeing me every day, and all that. I know we love each other. It’s hard to be around a person every day of your life and not get tired of them. That’s my worry, anyway. Everybody needs their space. Everybody needs their alone time. If we’re living under the same roof, sharing a bedroom, how will we manage that?

I’m a chronic overthinker. I always have been. I like to look at everything from every possible angle before making a decision, and even then, I overthink the decision I end up making. I suppose we’ll make it work. I suppose we’ll find a way to have our separate times, whether that’s by going out with friends or just hanging out in different rooms for awhile. I don’t want him to get bored of me. I don’t want to accidentally suffocate him. We communicate well. We’ve never had an argument. I seem to always unintentionally make everything a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

My son’s best friend lives in the same apartment as us. I’m worried about separating them, although it’d be a short drive to our new town, and her mom has a car. I don’t. In quarantine I took an online driving course, so I’m ready for my in-class lessons whenever they happen. My father is selling me his old car. I’m terrified of driving, but I want to be able to go where I want, when I want. There’s a bus that goes directly to the town we’re moving to, and it’s a short drive, so I could return whenever even before getting my own vehicle. My boyfriend’s niece and nephew live in the house we’re planning on moving into, so my son would have someone to play with whenever he wanted. He’ll love that. And hey, he’ll even be able to go to the same school!

The boyfriend says I can get a kitten when we move. I’ve always wanted one, but I’m not allowed pets in my apartment. I might adopt a cat from a shelter. Tay has a cat, and I’m always trying to get her to snuggle me when I visit. She likes me now, finally, it took her quite awhile. I want my own cat, though, a baby girl hopefully. We’ll see. I’m working hard on only focusing on one thing at a time, I’ve always been awful at that. I always get too ahead of myself.

Anyway, I’m ready for a change. I’m ready for the world to let me live in it again, and hopefully this quarantine will leave everybody a bit kinder and better.

Published by featherquills

i am a misfit and a wanderer, captivated by the mysteries of the universe and the secrets of humanity.

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