a letter to myself [a year from now]

Dear Dani,

There’s no way you’ve forgotten the pandemic. Right now, the world is pretty much in a state of emergency: schools, daycares, places of business are shut down. Most employees are working from home. A lot of us rely on grocery delivery to get through. If there weren’t a pandemic, you’d be working at the grocery store, but you know that. I’m happy to say we made it through, and can now enjoy things being (mostly) back to normal. By now, Brandon should have started kindergarten. You should be working and not relying on income support to survive. Did you end up getting that job at the grocery store, or are you somewhere else now? Are you employed at all?

I’m mostly curious to know whether your novel actually ended up getting published, and if it did, I want to know if anybody actually read it. I don’t have much confidence in it now; with the few parts that are on the internet, I haven’t been garnering much attention. Maybe that changed. Maybe you actually ended up being sold in bookstores or on websites. I hope so. It’s only been a year. Still, I hope things have changed just a little. I’ll bet you miss those characters now that the story is done. Are you working on anything else now? Do you have any plans for a new novel? How is your poetry coming along? You wanted to publish a book of poems. I’d love to know if that happened or not.

Lately you’re dealing with some unpleasant experiences. Your mental health is not the greatest, and your meds don’t really work. Has that changed? Please tell me you’ve found something that works for you, and that you’re still doing yoga, you were so determined to keep that up. Have you gotten any more tattoos? Did you pierce any new body parts? I’d like to think you’re doing the things you’ve been wanting to do and not giving up on them. We try not to give up. We used to do that a lot. Do you still live in that little apartment, or have you moved out by now? You should have a car and a license. I hope you’re still dating Taylor. I hope you ended up moving in with him.

Things are pretty good right now. Life is uncertain and a little scary, but it’ll pass. I want to know how things have changed for you, even if they’ve been bad changes, I want to know everything. You’ve been grappling for awhile with a fear of getting older. As humans, I think we’re all at least a little scared of the unknown. That’s where fear of getting old stems from, after all, but there’s no guarantee any of us will even get old. I think the fact that life is so uncertain is what makes it so precious. Have you gotten over this fear, at all? Are you still petrified of dying? You’ll be okay no matter what happens. Maybe there’s an afterlife. Maybe there’s not. Nobody really knows, but we all do what we have to do to comfort ourselves.

How are your friends? How are Tina and Jacquie and Ember and Divya and Lauren and all of the others? You’ve finally managed to gather yourself some honest, strong friendships. I’m happy about that. It’s been a long time coming, and we’re finally right where we want to be. There’s so much you wouldn’t have gotten through without your friends. There’s so much you still wouldn’t be able to deal with on your own. Hopefully they’re all doing well. Hopefully you still talk to them regularly. You’re very lucky, you know, to have such good people in your life.

From what I remember, 2020 was a bit of a shitty year. I hope you’re doing well. I hope 2021 is treating you better.

Published by featherquills

i am a misfit and a wanderer, captivated by the mysteries of the universe and the secrets of humanity.

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